• Home
  • Blog
  • Start Here!
  • Free Printables
  • About
    • Products we love & Support
    • Contact
    • Terms of Use
    • Disclosure
    • Hire me
  • My eBook
  • Subscribe

Wildflower Ramblings New

our new site

  • Homeschool
    • Charlotte Mason Method
    • Reggio Emilia Approach
    • Montessori Learning
    • Waldorf at Home
    • Classical Conversations
    • Early Literacy Stages Series
    • Curriculum choices
      • Tot School (2 years)
      • Preschool (3 years)
      • Pre-Kindergarten (4 years)
      • Pre-Kindergarten (4 years – 2017)
      • Preschool (5 years)
      • Kindergarten (5 years)
      • First Grade (6 years)
      • Charlotte Mason Schedule: Year One
    • 12 Months of Sensory Dough
    • Sensory Play
    • Crafts through the Bible
    • Practical Life Ideas
    • Before Five in a Row – ISH
  • Baby
    • Montessori Baby Room
    • Treasure Bins for Baby
    • 21 Activities for One Year Olds
  • Tot School
  • Preschool
    • What is Number Sense?
    • ABC Felt Animals
    • Preschool Alphabet Book
    • Our Preschool Notebook
    • Preschool Circle Time Schedule
    • Free 24 Preschool Chants
    • Free Preschool Songs
    • Our Preschool Plans
  • ABC
    • Letter A
    • Letter B
    • Letter C
    • Letter D
    • Letter E
    • Letter F
    • Letter G
    • Letter H
    • Letter I
    • Letter J
    • Letter K
    • Letter L
    • Letter M
    • Letter N
    • Letter O
    • Letter P
    • Letter Q
    • Letter R
    • Letter S
    • Letter T
    • Letter U
    • Letter V
    • Letter W
    • Letter X
    • Letter Y
    • Letter Z
  • Toys & Resources
    • 20+ Tools for Hyperactivity
    • What is Sensory Processing?
    • Best Workbooks & Readers {Ages 2-5}
    • Essential Preschool Tools
    • Essential Craft & Homeschool Tools for Mom
    • Best Art Utensils for Kids
    • Bible Resources for Kids
    • Our keeping and recording memories series
  • Health
    • Herbal Remedies
    • The home birth of my son
    • The water birth of my daughter
    • her waterbirth
    • When your baby has a fever
    • Example of Hospital Birth Plan {free printable!}
  • Books
    • My AMAZING Book Store
    • Books for Children
    • Pop! Squirt! Splash! Ebook
    • Learn with Play Ebook
You are here: Home / Homeschooling / Connecting with my son and how boys learn

Connecting with my son and how boys learn

May 2, 2014

Connecting with my son and how boys learn - wildflower ramblings

How frustrating is it to have worked so hard on a learning activity for your child, just to watch them turn away and go run and play with their Legos?  To watch them throw the marker?  Or destroy the contact paper?  Or crush the printable?

This has happened to me more times than I can count. I’m a teacher at heart and I love talking, writing, drawing and learning with students.  But now my son is teaching me — I am constantly exploring what is best for him and for his learning environment — and how boys learn.

My son doesn’t like to color.  I have printed out more printables than I’d like to admit. I have laminated more paper, punched more holes, cut out more shapes, set up more activities…. and my son could really care less about most/all of it.

He just wants to play outside, or play Legos, or play trucks and tractors, or read his books.

And is there something wrong with him?

Of course not! He is a young, perky, intelligent, curious, rambunctious, inquisitive, rough-housing, creative little boy.

These early precious years of play are, indeed, learning time!

And though it has taken me months to figure him out, I no longer expect him to “love” the activities I set before him.  In fact, he has declared that he doesn’t even like my beautiful Quiet Boxes and would much rather play trucks and Legos!

I think the revelation and acceptance of his learning style has truly come, embarrassingly enough, as I watch my daughter grow up (now 19 months). She is so different from him. She loves “busy bag” activities and will sit at the table with a marker for a long while. These are fun and enjoyable to her.

In contrast, my son (now 3 1/2 years) would spend about two minutes and then throw the activity across the room, laugh, and then proceed to make an even bigger mess and destroy the activity. It was fun. And probably I made it even more fun, with my face of disappointment and “AUGH what a mess” look! But I kept trying. And I’m glad I did. I think he did have some beneficial learning time from all of my efforts. And even more experiences with learning to help clean up (though reluctantly).

How to sneak deliberate learning in?

We have to sneak Tot School in when John is not looking. And I’ve shared many of our time together in our Tot School posts.  Mostly, I’ll begin doing an activity — be it simply using crayons or Do a Dot markers or painting — and he’ll think it looks like fun, so he’ll join in. For maybe five minutes.

Now there was a time when he would participate for longer. These are mornings that I cherish — when the baby was still asleep in the morning time and we had 30+ interrupted minutes together.  They weren’t all “school” — we did some paper work at his table, read books, organized shapes or letter pictures or did a sensory bin.  Just the two of us.  Oh I cherish those moments.  Every day brings a new surprise, a new moment.

I have a new plan coming up for our next alphabet go-around. More activities, less writing. More messy play, sensory time, less blogging. I don’t want all of the tangible evidence that we “did preschool.” I want the memories — and of course pictures too — but he needs me to be in the moment.  I can’t leave his focus for a moment, or he’ll lose his attention too.

Why do school time at all?

I have made the decision to homeschool my children. I love teaching and I spend my free time thinking about phonics. (!) I cherish the school time because that is a part of who I AM. But my son is different.

I connect with him through reading books and through deliberate learning.

Thankfully, my son adores reading. So his list is: Legos, trucks, tractors, outside, books. I often find him in his room reading. Since we don’t do much tv time, I let him be bored. I know it is so important for little minds to be still. And bored. And curious. And think. (You can see my post about limiting screen time — generally we only allow a 30 minutes movie on days when my daughter needs a nap at him — pre-approved and no commercials.)

How do I connect with him?

I think we, as mothers, need to find something that both mother and child enjoy, so that we can delight in moments with our children. Genuine delight.

Have you ever felt forced to “play like you’re having fun”? I know I have. Zooming the tractor around the floor for the 56th time. Or pretending I’m falling off the ship (bed) for the 89th time. Do I love being with him? Yes, yes, yes. Do I find joy in the actual activity? Not necessarily. And that’s okay. It’s okay to not love “sliding down the slide” or “playing swords” for 30+ minutes. The important thing, at least to me, is that I am with him in his moments of play and he is with me in the moments that I cherish.

And my genuine delight comes from reading with my son. We connect, we enjoy, we love one another through these books.

And…. I had to pause…. he just came in from his room (from making truck and ship noises) and asked me to read to him.

If he asks, I stop everything so I can read to him. It is an unwritten rule.

We sat down for at least 30 minutes and read. We connected. Him on my lap, his head resting on my chest. Oh those moments are what I live for. I long for his smelly hair and his fingers sometimes laced in mine when I can get away with it.

how preschool boys learn

He won’t fit into any box and I wouldn’t have him any other way.

What is your child’s joy? What is your joy?

Can they intersect? Can you find one activity that you both adore? I hope so.  For us, it is reading.  It is also being outside together, enjoying nature, as well as cooking together.

But never, ever, feel that you must do what you “think” your child should do. He or she will never fit into a box. And that is wonderful.

I have received many comments and emails from mamas who relate to my situation. Our children — mostly boys — don’t want to sit and color!

They want to destroy and conquer.

This is not wrong. This is good. And it is beautiful.

There is nothing wrong.

What about art?

I realize that I want to create tangible art with my son. This is my desire. Certainly not his. He is not inspired to want to create an art project. However, after I set something up, he’ll come over and ask if he can do it. And he may do it for a short (short!) time, and then he will go back to his room to play with his trucks and tractors and Legos.

He’ll feel proud of his work. It will display on his clothesline in his room or on the clothesline in the kitchen above our big window. And he’ll say, “Look, daddy, look what I made!” So I know he feels a sense of accomplishment and pride.

However, these tangible pieces of art are not as important to him as our experiences together.

How can I create experiences that are centered around learning?

Well, for young children, play is learning. So when he’s building with Legos, he’s learning. But I make learning more intentional than “just play” because I enjoy it — not because it is necessary!  (This is why I created our Lego ABC Cards!)

My goal for our next alphabet round is to create more experiences for him that involve his passions.

He loves to read. We will be reading. A lot. Does he want to do printables attached to our books? No. But could I make a fun recipe (think green eggs with Green Eggs in Ham) or we could do a re-enactment? Yes! Or a fun sensory bin? Yep.  Activities don’t always have to be planned, and they can be spontaneous.

 

I will share our Preschool Plans soon! We are already on the Letter Z. Ready to start new and fresh.

I hope this post has inspired and encouraged you today.

  • Do you have a child who doesn’t have the same learning interests as you?

  • How have you had to adapt to his/her learning style?

  • What activities do you enjoy together?

 

 

Related Posts

  • {Early Literacy Stage 4} Lowercase Letter Recognition{Early Literacy Stage 4} Lowercase Letter Recognition
  • tot school: 11 fall activity ideastot school: 11 fall activity ideas
  • learning about space with spielgabenlearning about space with spielgaben
  • lavender fizzy sensory doughlavender fizzy sensory dough
« hitting dandelions with a bat
How to make a Felt Yak {ABC Felt Animals} »


Comments

  1. Emma @ P is for Preschooler says

    May 2, 2014 at 8:54 am

    Thank you so much for this post! I have a daughter who is just like your son – never a sit-down-and-color kind of girl, rejecting many of the “educational” activities I diligently plan. I almost have to sneak in the learning, because if it has even a whiff of learning, she tunes out. But, like your son, she does love to read. Thank you for saying so eloquently what has been in my mind!
    Emma @ P is for Preschooler recently posted…Storytelling with Stickers My Profile

    Reply
    • wildflowerramblings says

      May 2, 2014 at 10:36 am

      Emma, I’m so so glad you posted! I have been thinking today, that I should have written that this is definitely not “boys only” — there are boys who love to sit down and girls who don’t — like your daughter!! Thanks so much for sharing — it took me a while to get my thoughts on this into words, and it has helped clarify things for me :)
      wildflowerramblings recently posted…Connecting with my son and how boys learnMy Profile

      Reply
  2. Shirley Gilchrist says

    May 2, 2014 at 11:05 am

    I am impressed not only with all of the activities you prepare and do with your son, but that you are attuned to his learning style.

    I started saving your info when you began your felt toys with the turtle as I plan to make them for my grandson. Do you plan to make felt toys for the A to S letters of the alphabet?

    Reply
    • wildflowerramblings says

      May 2, 2014 at 1:01 pm

      Hi, Shirley! I will post my Y (is for Yak) on Sunday! We are still slowly moving through — thanks for your patience, and kind words :)

      Reply
  3. Kristina @ School Time Snippets says

    May 2, 2014 at 10:27 pm

    Wow! You literally have taken the words and thoughts out of my heart and mind regarding my little girl! We have finished Tot School and I must say I am relieved as it was taking a lot out of me and it may or may not be something she was interested in for all the time I put into it. I’ve also wondered how to share our homeschool activities with her because like you said, I want to be present; I don’t want to always be taking the picture more concerned with how that turned out vs. being WITH her. And I also don’t feel a need to document that we “did” preschool” with her; she has already shown me she is much different than her big brother in learning styles! She doesn’t mind coloring {when it is her idea}, but she sounds a lot like your son– big on outdoors, sensory play, and reading : ) I’ve wondered where to go from here with her; she’s the second in between two boys, so I look forward to hearing your Preschool Plans. Thank you again for sharing!
    Kristina @ School Time Snippets recently posted…Yarn Wrapped Tulips {Fine Motor Friday}My Profile

    Reply
    • wildflowerramblings says

      May 3, 2014 at 8:40 pm

      Kristina, thanks so much for commenting!! Yes, I want to be present for his schooling — right now, mostly, it has been reading, reading, reading! I sneak in some painting and a lot of non-worksheet review too! I’ll have my preschool plans up after I post Letter Z :)
      wildflowerramblings recently posted…Connecting with my son and how boys learnMy Profile

      Reply
  4. Samantha @ Stir the Wonder says

    May 3, 2014 at 8:55 pm

    I’m so glad you wrote this. I sometimes feel as though my son is the only one not interested in worksheets and printables. I tried doing the traditional tot school stuff with all the printables but quickly realized it was not going to work for us. Since then I’ve been focused on doing hands-on learning and just letting him play however he wants. He may not know his alphabet or how to count to ten, but we are getting there and mostly on his own! Besides, he’s only 3, I have to keep reminding myself. I’ve recently started using the Before Five in a Row curriculum and doing lots of projects based on the book. He seems to really like it so far and asks to “do fun things” everyday. He is especially fond of science projects. Looking forward to hearing about your preschool plans.
    Samantha @ Stir the Wonder recently posted…Science Activities inspired by The Carrot SeedMy Profile

    Reply
    • wildflowerramblings says

      May 5, 2014 at 7:56 am

      It’s seems that a lot of our children just don’t like printables and just want to play lol :) I started out connecting activities with books, and I know I’ll need to do more of that! I love what you did with The Carrot Seed and other books, connecting activities and science–we will be using some of your science ideas, Samantha!!

      Reply
  5. Michelle says

    May 8, 2014 at 1:51 am

    Bo goes through stages – he really loves the printables and I was really surprised by that, but he also loves playing toys, riding his bike and being outside a lot. His interest in school waxes and wanes, as I expect it to.

    I do feel that I am more present when I am photographing what he does – I see things differently through my lens. I am more focused on details I would otherwise miss, and love that when he is tucked in bed at the end of the the day I can relive the moment and revel in it. Time stands still for me in those moments. :)

    Reply
    • wildflowerramblings says

      May 11, 2014 at 10:50 pm

      Thank you thank you for writing Michelle. You’re right! I love looking back at these posts and seeing his little (littler!) face and his mind working! Thanks for reminding me why I document theses moments!!

      Reply
  6. Dee says

    May 22, 2014 at 2:18 am

    This was great! I will be following. I homeschool a 7yo and I have a 23 mo old.

    Reply
  7. Cindy says

    June 1, 2014 at 11:07 pm

    Thank you for this post. I have a son much like yours and it relieves some of that mommy guilt knowing there’s another mommy that misses the mark too. I’m going to change how we look at learning time. Thank you!

    Reply
  8. SarahKL says

    January 2, 2015 at 8:54 am

    This may be one of my favorite posts of yours! Thank you for sharing your heart!!
    SarahKL recently posted…Baby #3 Update & Gender RevealMy Profile

    Reply
    • wildflowerramblings says

      January 2, 2015 at 10:05 am

      Thank you, Sarah!! I’ms so glad that it touched you — still learning this mothering thing :) <3

      Reply
  9. Seeds To Harvest Homeschool says

    January 13, 2015 at 12:24 am

    I can not thank you enough for sharing your thoughts and feelings in such an open way! So many times feeling the same and not taking the time to let it out…. GOD works in such mysterious ways! giving the right answer or guidance when one less expects it!
    Once again … Blessings … So glad for having found such and amazing blogging space!

    Reply
  10. Mindy Hazen says

    December 12, 2018 at 2:04 pm

    This is amazing! Not only do I recognize my youngest 4yo son, who I am searching for help because I am homeschooling, I recognized my oldest, 23 yo, son and myself. My daughter, who is my oldest, came naturally to information. I taught her how to write her name while she was still two. Obviously I understood my daughters learning style. My poor sons struggled with my teaching style. I didn’t homeschool my oldest two, but I still tried being an active part in their education. My youngest, I am homeschooling. He need to learn as much as possible so that I do not fail him. Thank you!

    Reply
    • wildflowerramblings says

      December 13, 2018 at 4:05 pm

      I’m so happy this blessed you Mindy, you’re doing great <3

      Reply

Trackbacks

  1. Home Preschool: Letter C - Wildflower Ramblings says:
    August 19, 2014 at 6:01 am

    […] We were creating “stations,” that is, putting out about six activities at once, for him to cycle through, which he loved for the last several months, but recently he has not been enthused.  Time to change it up!  It is about knowing our children and their passions — you can read more at Connecting with my son and how he learns. […]

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

CommentLuv badgeShow more posts
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • Twitter
  • YouTube

Connect

Amy is a former Kindergarten teacher, M.Ed., turned homeschooling mom. Sharing her imperfect life and her love of teaching & learning, reading, herbal remedies, parenting and more.
Read More →

Search

NEWSLETTER

Join 30,000+ other subscribers! Receive weekly email updates and free printables, and as a thank you, you’ll receive my Early Literacy Stages eBook, 24 Preschool Chants, and the ABC Lego Cards for free!

banner-001 Shop Montessori Services

Favorite Posts

1legos 1quiet memories 1act 1chants 1closet hyp note classical dots 15act 1reggio 1turtle 1around 1bible1 sidebar bible1 crafts reggiomath essentialoils print

To Note

Unless otherwise stated, all words and photos on this blog belong to Wildflower Ramblings. You may pin from my site, but do not use a photo, or any text, without my permission. All content is copyrighted.   This is a for profit blog. I use affiliate links on the sidebars and in posts. I only share products that I love and enjoy with my family. If you purchase a product through an affiliate link, I receive a small commission. Occasionally, I will receive products free of charge and share them here.  Words and opinions expressed will always be my own. Please email me with questions or comments. Thank you for visiting.
Logo Whimsy Workshop Teaching

Categories

Archives

More

Copyright © 2021 · Wildflower Ramblings [footer_backtotop] · Genesis Framework · WordPress